This past week I was laid off from my job and broke up with my boyfriend.
Needless to say, I am now on a 13 hour-a-day sleeping schedule and wear my pajamas to social engagements.
I’m in the beginning stages of Grey Gardens and my apartment is slowly turning from a “cozy studio” into a “den of broken dreams”*
My mom now ends our (multiple, daily) phone calls with “Please go outside!”
During times like this, some people to turn to a higher power.
I, being a heathen, turn to bacon.
Last night I went to a diner with my friend and ordered challah french toast with maple syrup and bacon, followed by a cheesecake, followed by an egg sandwich, with a chocolate milkshake on the side.
If my calculations are correct, in approximately 5 weeks I will have zero self esteem and a hell of a lot of Delivery.com points.
“Is this a cry for help?” you ask.
No, more like a burp.
Be kind to me, Bacon God.
And in the meantime…
JUST EAT THE FOOD
* If you don’t know what I’m talking about, now you do: Grey Gardens