This past week I was laid off from my job and broke up with my boyfriend.

Needless to say, I am now on a 13 hour-a-day sleeping schedule and wear my pajamas to social engagements.

I’m in the beginning stages of Grey Gardens and my apartment is slowly turning from a “cozy studio” into a “den of broken dreams”*

My mom now ends our (multiple, daily) phone calls with “Please go outside!”

During times like this, some people to turn to a higher power.

I, being a heathen, turn to bacon.

Last night I went to a diner with my friend and ordered challah french toast with maple syrup and bacon, followed by a cheesecake, followed by an egg sandwich, with a chocolate milkshake on the side.

If my calculations are correct, in approximately 5 weeks I will have zero self esteem and a hell of a lot of Delivery.com points.

“Is this a cry for help?” you ask.

No, more like a burp.

Be kind to me, Bacon God.

And in the meantime…

JUST EAT THE FOOD

* If you don’t know what I’m talking about, now you do: Grey Gardens